Ever have something you want to ask or say, but it isn't important enough for its own thread? I do, and I'll usually just say fuck it and not post it. Last time I didn't ask a question, the hooker nearly got away, and having got a good look at my face, this could have been disasterous!

To prevent such mishaps, I thought I'd start a thread where we can throw out our odds and ends questions, comments, or killing-of-those-damn-hookers anecdotes, that don't really fit anywhere else.

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Does anyone know how I can set up the picture in my signature so that a click on it will act as a mail to command? If it's possible, what's the code for this? I already tried [hooker]...[/hooker], [dead]...[/dead], [dead]...[/hooker], and [I've killed]...[/again]. What should I do?!

-Forlorn in Phoenix

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

Doesn't work. The UBB codes won't let you make an image link.

*sigh*

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This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

That sucks.

So...any hooker anecdotes?

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

I once had sex with 3 hookers within an hour.

You can choose to believe that if you want.

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Dad was flammable

I choose not only to believe, but also to embellish and possibly publish.

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Absorbed directly through the skin.

Last week, I engaged a a co-worker to play basketball with me at the crack of dawn twice a week. This morning, as we left the gym, a bronzed and broad-shouldered Italian woman overheard me telling him, "It doesn't hurt as much as the first two times we did it."

I'm afraid this didn't improve my chances of nailing her, which were slightly more remote than Neptune to begin with, but never far from my mind, or from the mind of any man pushing 40 who lurches into physical activity after years of rotting behind a desk. The way they dress doesn't help. I keep stepping on my tongue. Let's call it a sports injury.

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What others say about boorite!

[quote]I once had sex with 3 hookers within an hour.

You can choose to believe that if you want.[/quote]

I choose to believe it. You shoot quicker than Wyatt Earp.

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What others say about boorite!

If only I were Mr. Selective quote....

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I am not 16 going on not 17, I know that I'm naive.

[quote]If only I were Mr. Selective quote....
[/quote]

IM me and I'll give you the password.

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What others say about boorite!

I demand that you people look at my 3d Clango!

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Dad was flammable

...although that was kind of lame, considering that I had already inadvertently implied, in front of a very fit woman, that my friend and I had been buttsexing.

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What others say about boorite!

Kajun, you hobangin pimp daddy, login to aim or I'll punch your balls up between your shoulder blades.

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What others say about boorite!

I can't, I'm at college, if I download AIM they'll beat me again.

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Dad was flammable

...and all of you get your arses onto IRC.

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This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

Damn, I wish I could beat you, but you're too far away.

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What others say about boorite!

I created a PayPal account several weeks ago and I'm still waiting for the fucking Credit Card bill to arrive with the little number I need.

Do you think it's possible that because it's only $1 and that works out to be less than £1, my credit card company have just ignored the transaction?

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Dad was flammable

[quote]
Do you think it's possible that because it's only $1 and that works out to be less than £1, my credit card company have just ignored the transaction?[/quote]

I can work this out if you just send me your credit card number.

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What others say about boorite!

Do you think there's any chance Pluto will be the next hot-spa resort?

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Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants.

I am not at all convinced that a woman, hearing that phrase, would infer butt sex. Any male, of course, is eager to put any sort of sexual connotation on anything -- even if that connotation is butt sex with a friend. But I'm sure the woman, being very fit, is familiar with the pains of the gym and -- lacking a penis (you hope) -- does not try to link everything to sodomy.

So your chances of nailing her are still on Neptune, not Alpha Centauri.

Oh, and there are also certian deformed types of men who do not try to link every comment to sex or sodomy. They couldn't last 5 minutes on Stripcreator. Unfortunately, they are usually the type who get women like that.

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"Old" is the old new.

[quote]
Oh, and there are also certian deformed types of men who do not try to link every comment to sex or sodomy. They couldn't last 5 minutes on Stripcreator. Unfortunately, they are usually the type who get women like that.
[/quote]

I must respectfully disagree. Unless I'm a deformed type of deformed man, which would really suck.

a) I don't try to link every comment to sex (except when I'm here, where it's the norm). In fact, I have a friend who makes comments that are intended as sexually slanted, and half the time I don't get it.

b) I'm still here.

c) I don't get women like that. (*insert pitiful whine*)

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This is not my empire.

[quote]
I am not at all convinced that a woman, hearing that phrase, would infer butt sex.
[/quote]

She wasn't from Idaho, from whence your missive apparently originates. She was European. AND Mediterranean. Aren't they obsessed with sex? If not, would you be cruel enough to rob me of that faintest of hopes, that wisp of a fantasy?

[quote]
But I'm sure the woman, being very fit, is familiar with the pains of the gym and -- lacking a penis (you hope) -- does not try to link everything to sodomy.
[/quote]

She had tits for days, my friend. You could build an observation deck over those tits, and it would be instantly crammed with binocular-wielding tourists elbowing each other over the railing for a ....

What did you say?

[quote]
So your chances of nailing her are still on Neptune, not Alpha Centauri.
[/quote]

Wheee. I'm gonna get fucked in four hours. (Light hours.)

I have heard of such men, but I have never met one.

[quote]
Unfortunately, they are usually the type who get women like that.
[/quote]

Bwahahaha. You're not new at this, are you? Besides an acceptable degree of anatomical symmetry, the type of man who gets a woman like that usually has two characteristics: money and a gymnasium membership, in that order.

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What others say about boorite!

[quote][quote]
But I'm sure the woman, being very fit, is familiar with the pains of the gym and -- lacking a penis (you hope) -- does not try to link everything to sodomy.
[/quote]

She had tits for days, my friend.[/quote]Well, shit. Doesn't she know what the late charges are on those things when you don't return them the next day?

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

[quote][quote]
So your chances of nailing her are still on Neptune, not Alpha Centauri.
[/quote]

Wheee. I'm gonna get fucked in four hours. (Light hours.)[/quote]

But light hours are a unit of distance: I have a hairy four light-hourer, you have a baldy half-incher.

[quote][quote]
So your chances of nailing her are still on Neptune, not Alpha Centauri.
[/quote]Wheee. I'm gonna get fucked in four hours. (Light hours.)[/quote]With your natural dissymmetry, boo, you'd probably have better luck with the women on Sirius than Alpha Centauri. Sirius is known as the Dog Star.

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

Here comes the "doggie style" joke.

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What others say about boorite!