Only for having a show to last 300 episodes and still get signed on for 2 more seasons. Not this contest.
Hello, fellow strippers. I have returned to finish this fucking thing once and for all. But first, I would just like to say one or two things.
As for my disappearances, it breaks down like this: the first time, it was due to the ending of a relationship, the loss of my dog, and having to find a new place to live. This time, it was due to the death of a family friend paired with being laid off from work. Things have been pretty shitty all over for Zip, and, needless to say (yet I'll say it anyway), this God-forsaken and cursed-in-general contest has ranked among the least of my concerns. In fact, most everything not mentioned above has ranked amongst the least of my concerns. That's my side of things.
Where this contest started going wrong...who can say? I'm sure some of you out there can think of some pretty good smart-assed one liners to answer that question, but that's up to you. I don't care anymore. I don't know why everyone seems to be waiting on me. This was supposed to be a team effort, I thought. But I guess it is a bad sign when the people running the contest just don't give a rat's ass anymore. What am I rambling on about? I don't fucking know. The point is simply this: it ends now.
FINAL MATCH:
boorite_billings VS. Kajun Lara7
I lost track of the story about 2 months ago, so whoever the guilty party is...let's say Jael...we'll just pretend that they have already been arrested, tried and convicted. In the progressive judicial system that these characters abide by, the actual sentencing of a convicted murderer gets to be chosen by the family of the deceased.
Your Mission: Conceive an elaborate death sentence for the guilty bastard, then carry it out. Over the two comics, you must play out the condemned's final moments, and Yablonski must be present to see that the family's wishes are fulfilled.
Your Rules: I lost the actual list of rules as I was clearing out my desk, so here's a sampling of my own secret blend of 11 herbs and spices...
1. Narration must be used in every panel.
2. Only one character can speak one line of dialogue in each strip, but it can only take place in the last panel.
3. The words "candy", "illicit" and "dogged" must be used in the first comic.
4. The words "mastered", "filch" and "zero" must be used in the second comic.
Be creative, be elaborate, and be funny. If you need inspiration, I suggest going to see Final Destination 2 at your local film house or movie megaplex. I found it highly entertaining and cheerful.
Whoever gets the most votes, out of the 5 people that eventually vote, will be the new winners and Tag Team Champions! That means you get to run the next Tag Team Contest. Aren't you fucking lucky? My advice: wait at least 2 years before doing so.
Until next time, which may well be never, I wish you the best of luck. Goodbye.
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If it wasn't for bad luck I wouldn't have no luck at all. D'OH!
