Woo-Hoo!!! Congratulations sweetie, from the photo you two make a cute couple.

If you haven't seen the movie "Monster-In-Law" the two of you should go see it!

At this point, I'm a bitter divorcee, so I have no glib advice to give on how to make a marriage work. Except I remember something about both of you being good forgivers, and keeping the lines of communication open.

I wish you the best.

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“It is only with the heart that one sees rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.” - The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry (1945)

[quote]Woo-Hoo!!! Congratulations sweetie, from the photo you two make a cute couple.

If you haven't seen the movie "Monster-In-Law" the two of you should go see it!

At this point, I'm a bitter divorcee, so I have no glib advice to give on how to make a marriage work. Except I remember something about both of you being good forgivers, and keeping the lines of communication open.

I wish you the best.[/quote]

Crap, you mean, this requires work?

[quote]Much good luck and good fortune in your future.

Secrets to Wedded Bliss:

Rule him with an iron fist. I, mean really... When he says "I do", you say "You're damn right you do, boy! Now on your knees!"

Everything will be smooth sailing from there. It'll make a nice photo for the wedding album as well.

Don't forget to go up to the biggest member of his family at the reception and beat the crap out of them. This will solidify your place as the A-prime pack leader. Getting a babysitter will no longer be an issue. The bonus to this is that they will start leaving offerings of food at your door.

Impress the in-laws by referring to the new hubby as "my bitch". His father should be referred to as "drunken old fart", his mother as "dried up old bag".

During your first dance, remember to lead. You are in charge after all. If you are a bit tired from the whole wedding thing stand on his feet. (Make him take his shoes off if they are part of the tux rental.)

Of course he can start practising for carrying you over the threshold by carrying you around the reception. Let's face it, you did your part, now it's his turn.

Have a great time. And remember what we say in Brooklyn:

"Why is that guy looking at you like that? You should kick his ass."[/quote]
Ah, so you DO know us intimately then!

[quote]I have only one bit of wedding advice for you - have fun.

I was so stressed about getting all my family into photos and keeping the bitch of a caterer under control and telling the DJ not to play any fucking doof-doof music that by the time I relaxed and started having fun, the reception was nearly over.

Delegate as much as you can to people you genuinely trust, then relax and have fun. In theory (touch wood) you will never have another one of these, so make sure you have memories of how great it was, not of how busy and stressed you were. [/quote]
There's already been several problems, hense why I am allowing anyone and everyone to trash the reception site (at your own risk, there will be two hired bouncers from the hall)

[quote]Boorite insists he'll get me there one way or another, but I'm not sure if he can fend off the mighty Wal-Mart, the same company who wouldn't let me take time off to see a dying grandmother, get surgery, and go to class.

But I'd love to be there. [/quote]

And I'd love to have you. Remember to bring a sleeping bag. All I have is floor space, and if you're late, you're the one sleeping in the baby's room.

That was Gran Marie.

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Mediocrity at its most average.

Chicka,
I've decided that I can't afford to go. I sincerely would love to be there but I started adding up gas and all that other stuff mixed with leaving at 3 in the morn and I soured. Much love to you guys. PM me your address please and I'll send you something, a token of my love. Again, I wish I was there.

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

[quote]Chicka,
I've decided that I can't afford to go. I sincerely would love to be there but I started adding up gas and all that other stuff mixed with leaving at 3 in the morn and I soured. Much love to you guys. PM me your address please and I'll send you something, a token of my love. Again, I wish I was there.[/quote]

Yeah, that's what Frank said, then it turned out he didn't have any crayolas to make me a card. Travis later made up for it by coloring me a blue, green, red, and orange dragon (outside of the lines, of course).

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Mediocrity at its most average.

Awesome, the Irish/Scot tag-team have opponents!

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Dad was flammable

Chicka the card I sent you is now in the care of the US Post system as of this morning before my classes. Hopefully it gets there in time for the wedding.

Congrats, chicka. As DexX said, delegate. It is your day, after all...you'll have enough stress as it is, so let someone else take care of the details and other miscellaneous BS if possible.

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Think classy, you'll be classy.

5 days remaining. I'm only nervous when jes is nervous.

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Mediocrity at its most average.

This is exciting. Have a good one, chicka! Congratsalacious, and may your marriage last like 40 years!

I wish I could get married! You're so lucky!

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It's grime time.

Countdown to carnage!!

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Dad was flammable

[quote]
I wish I could get married! You're so lucky![/quote]

Don't ever say that. My caterers are now my Aunts Betty and Gina, along with Uncle Eric because I wasn't allowed a HIRED caterer in the hall I chose. So I have to pass them off as family that is bringing in food. Why didn't I use the hall's caterer?

Phone call #1:

Me: Hello, my name is Gia and I would like to set something up for catering my wedding 30 DAYS in advance.

Caterer: Can you call me back Tuesday between 9 and 1?

Me: Sure no problem.

Phone call # 2: Tuesday, 12pm

Me: I'm calling to set up the catering

Caterer: I'm sorry, this is the lunch crowd call me back in an hour.

Me: Okay.

Phone call # 3: Tuesday 1:15

Me: I'm calling to set up catering....

Caterer's friend/coworker: I'm sorry, she's busy now.

Me: I'll call back.

Phone call # 4: Tuesday 1:45

Me: I'm calling...

Caterer's friend/coworker: I'm sorry she's still busy.

Me: Okay.

Phone call # 5: Tuesday 2pm

Me: I'm ...

C f/c-w: Busy.

Me: Bye.

Phone call # 6: The following Monday 12pm

Caterer: You should have set up catering over a week ago.

Me: You never talked to me.

Caterer: (aggravated) I guess I could still set something up for you.

Me: I've gone in a different direction.

After you're done arguing with the caterer, move on to your fiance's mother.

Phone call: Saturday, September 3 1:00pm

Fiance's Mother: You know your grandparents' anniversary is two days after your wedding.

Fiance: Yep, 52 years.

Fiance's Mother: really? That long? I thought it was 51.

Fiance: No 50 was two years ago when I graduated and you tried to pass their anniversary party off as a graduation party for me as well.

Fiance's Mom: I don't remember that.

Me: (snide remark approaching) You wouldn't.

Fiance's Mom: What was that?

Fiance: I was scratching my nose, Mom.

Fiance's Mom: So do you think I could bring a cake to the reception for my parents?

Me: No. NO. NOOO. No.

Fiance's Mom: Who was that?

Fiance: Mom, No.

Fiance's Mom: I see how it is, you don't care about your grandparents.

Me: No, it's just inconsiderate.

Fiance's Mom: Now I know I heard someone that time.

And so on. So no, you DON'T want to get married.

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Mediocrity at its most average.

That sounds like something my fiancee's mother would do. I need to stop reqading this thread before all hope for something manageable is whittle away...

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

HC, it's better if you just accept the fact that the wedding isn't really for you but for the mother of the bride. It's her day. You just have to be there for the pictures.

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

I haven't been attending stripcreator recently, but I WILL be attending the wedding -- and more importantly the festivities surrounding said event. If there are any festivities going on that I'm not aware of, someone ferchrissakes give me a call.

Send an e-mail to me ( scyess@hotmail.com ) and I'll give you my number.

If anyone needs extra room, my house is also available for the weekend as Mrs. Scyess will be out of town. Smoking isn't allowed inside the house but I'll make an exception to the no-silly-accents rule just this once.

Party on!

Can't wait to talk to you sober, boorite!

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"Old" is the old new.

The way my future monster-in-law takes pictures, the wedding will have to last a week.

---
It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

[quote]I haven't been attending stripcreator recently, but I WILL be attending the wedding -- and more importantly the festivities surrounding said event. If there are any festivities going on that I'm not aware of, someone ferchrissakes give me a call.

Send an e-mail to me ( scyess@hotmail.com ) and I'll give you my number.

If anyone needs extra room, my house is also available for the weekend as Mrs. Scyess will be out of town. Smoking isn't allowed inside the house but I'll make an exception to the no-silly-accents rule just this once.

Party on!

Can't wait to talk to you sober, boorite!
[/quote]

I DID email you. You didn't reply. I'll give you after I get out of work today. That is if I have the right phone number.

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Mediocrity at its most average.

I don't know why I thought I was getting married. Apparently I have to do everything the way everyone else would do it. And if I don't have sex on my wedding night then I am an awful person. I may have worked with these people for a few months, but that doesn't give them the right to dictate my life.

[Click to view comic: 'This Really Just Happened']

Guess what, I'm wedding stressed and I have a slight case of cold feet. Get off my back.

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Mediocrity at its most average.

Oh, so you're going to come up to the Rockville Courthouse, say I do, and then head to work for the day? That's the way we did it after all.

Not just you, anyone who doesn't get any on your wedding night is probably a pretty lousy person.

(And I say that knowing my odds are probably 1 in 5 at best.)

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Blasphemy! You are supposed to leave work early and get married at the Ellicott City Courthouse. (That's where my parents got married, too, although I think my father probably did it on his lunch break.)

The proper honeymoon consists of hanging out at a local bar then passing out on the sofa.

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"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

Some people do it while at work. Because they're insane. Then the honeymoon involves stocking the shelves and checking out customers.

Cunting marvelous!

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Dad was flammable

Kajun and Jes will be celebrating this weekend.

Look out, USA!

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"In a thousand years there will be no men and women just wankers and that's fine by me."

Chicka Wedding FAQ:

1. Why is there no maid/matron of honor?
A: Because she's a bitch and decided that I was unreasonable for telling her to try looking for a dress on lanebryant.com and therefore dropped out of the wedding.

2. Why is there no second bridesmaid?
A: Because she recently gave birth to a beautiful 4 1/2 pound baby girl and needs her rest.

3. Why is there no decoration whatsoever?
A: Because I'm short the help of two bridesmaids.

4. Why are there cameras on the tables?
A: To take pictures, duh.

5. Why is your son in a tux?
A: Because it's cute, damn it.

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Mediocrity at its most average.

6. Why is there a pick-up, being chased by angry locals wielding pitch-forks and flaming torches, screeching away from the wedding with what looks like a guy in a skirt driving and a girl in a wedding dress hanging out the window?

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Dad was flammable

[quote]
6. Why is there a pick-up, being chased by angry locals wielding pitch-forks and flaming torches, screeching away from the wedding with what looks like a guy in a skirt driving and a girl in a wedding dress hanging out the window?
[/quote]

Kaj,

Forget it.

Focus on:

Which we will get if we can stay sober and find the right bar.

Also:

And...

Focus.

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Please replace the handset, and try again.