At one point it was in the header of my Yahoo e-mail account. He must be hedging his bets.

---
...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

At one point it was in the header of my Yahoo e-mail account. He must be hedging his bets.[/quote]

Hey Fuzz, maybe you can get them to send you 3 dollars like this guy did lol

Phillipenes $3 -Lads -$3

---
Women are fisher's of men because we all know.... The small ones you throw back. The medium ones you eat. The large ones you mount.

Jael - Who's the daddy?
Both of those links were excellent, especially the second one. Hopefully Fuzzy can match or top them.

---
"Eat a fucking cock." - attitudechicka

>Hello James,
>
>Considering your positive responses and in my
>anticipation of a strong and solid cooperation from
>your side in this business, infact I am very much
>interested to know whether you will be capable to do
>this business with me in full confidence trusting that
>you will never let me down in future,ok (1) if you are
>really serious and have the facilities for effective
>communications,ability to set up a new A/C under short
>notice ,even an empty A/C without any money in it
>provided that the A/C can receive money is still ok.
>(2) you must have a valid international passport or
>traveling documents then, contact me with the
>following.
>
>This business will be completed within Seven days from
>the date of the receipt of your A/C details and
>subsequent approvals from the Foreign Exchange control
>division.
>
>You should not tell your bank that money is coming
>until I finish processing of all documents to show
>your bank that this money is clean money from genuine
>source. To avoid your bank asking you early questions
>that you may not be able to answer so you should not
>alert them.
>
>After the processing of all Foreign Payment documents,
>and when the money is ready to be paid into your A/C,
>after the final Approval in your favour by the bank
>you will be required to come in person or go to
>Foreign
>Payment Office to sign the Foreign Payment vouchers
>preceding telegraphic TT to your A/C or you can
>appoint a Lawyer here to represent and sign on your
>behalf under special arrangement. At the Foreign
>Payment Office you will be required to fill the
>payment
>Order chart specifying schedule of payments to
>beneficiaries A/C.
>
>However it is my intention to be with you at least
>2-3days ahead of the money going into your A/C then we
>will sign the binding agreement, after your bank must
>have been satisfied with the original documents which
>I will bring along with me to your country to show
>your bank or it's correspondence bank that the money
>is legal.
>
>You should know that this opportunity can hardly come
>my way again in life so I have planned everything very
>well with an insider in the bank so be rest assured
>that everything will work out fine fine. My secretary
>only got your contact from the internet and I am sure
>she doesn’t know you before being that I told her to
>get me a foreigners contact address because the
>original operator of the A/C is a foreigner and this
>money can only be approved into a foreign
>beneficiaries A/C only, frankly speaking from the
>bottom of my heart my fear now is the security of this
>money in your custody once transferred into your A/C
>because I don't know you before nor your capability
>and facilities to handle this large amount, what is
>your age and profession? I really want to know more of
>you and I will want you to keep it very confidential
>at all times and also to be maintaining constant
>communications with me knowing that this business
>should take precedence over any other business for the
>mean time.
>
>Now, I need the A/C information, i.e bank name,
>address and a/c no and your private tele nos as a need
>may arise either to call
>you in the day or night as occasion warrants.
>
>
>Finally you have to be following instructions which I
>will be getting from the “OUR’ insider’ in the bank
>who is the main Key to the success of this
>business.Pls respond without much questions until we
>see face to face because 'too many questions can sink
>a ship.
>
> It's urgent you call so that I can brief you
>regarding the foreign payment procedures, because you
>will be required to come and sign the final fund
>release order either here in South Africa, or at the
>Foreign Payment Office attached to the Embassy in
>Canada or Holland.
>
>Yours,
>
>Maxwell.
>
>__________________________________________________
>Do You Yahoo!?
>HotJobs - Search Thousands of New Jobs
>http://www.hotjobs.com

[b]I ain't James. My name's Skimbo! This is muh pal's inter-web thingie!!
You mean, I shouldn't have already spent my share of the cash on hookers and beer last night? I got one of them "advance" things from the bank when I told 'em how much money I was gonna get.
I don't have no passport. Mom don't let me go out of town, fergit about goin out of the country!!
I done talked to my uncle Larry, he's a lawyer. I don't like him much, 'cuz he got off a black guy, but I guess it's all just fer the money. You know how it is. I hear you got a lot of black folk there. That must be darn terrible, I'm sorry. I hope yer not just some queer tryin' to get my bank account, 'cuz I ain't go no money there!
I hope to hear back from ya soon!

Skimbo McElbone[/b]

---
Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants.

[i]DEAR SIR,

I AM HAPPY TO INFORM YOU THAT I HAVE ALREADY RECIEVED YOUR PASSPORT AND
YOUR LETTER HEADED COMPANY.[b]I ADMIRED YOU A LOT WHEN I SAW YOU ON THE
PICTURE AND YOU LOOK LIKE A YOUNG PROMISING MAN.[/b]

I SHALL SWEAR AN AFFIDAVIT OF AOTH ON BEHALF OF YOUR NAME AS THE OWNER
OF THE BOXES THAT CONTAINS MONEY BUT MY DEAR I WANT TO LET YOU KNOW
THAT THE SECURITY COMPPANY IN CANADA WHERE THE BOXES ARE BIENG LODGE ARE
NOT AWARE THAT THE BOXES CONTAIN MONEY RATHER THEY KNOWS THAT IT
CONTAINS GIFT ITEMS.

I SHALL FURNISH YOU THE FULL CONTACT INFRMATION OF THE SECURITY COMPANY
FOR YOU TO CALL THEM,THAT YOU WANT TO BOOK A DATE WITH THEM FOR YOUR
ARRIVAL FOR THE SIGNING OF THE BOXES AND WHAT IT WILL COST TO SIGN
IT,THEN AFTER THE SIGNING YOU CAN NOW OPEN AN ACCOUNT THERE IN CANADA WHERE
YOU CAN TRANSFER THE MONEY BEFORE FINAL TRANSFER TO YOU ACCOUNT.THE
ISSUE OF THE PERCENTAGE,MY DEAR I BELIEVED THAT I AHVE TO COMPERSATE YOU
VERY WELL AFTER WE MUST HAVE FINISHE THE BUSINESS,I WOULDN'T WANT THAT TO
DISTURB YOU FOR NOW.

MY DEAR PLEASE CONFIRM TO ME AS SOON AS YOU RECIEVE THIS DOCUMENTS FOR
YOUR TRAVEL,AIRWAY BILL SLIP,LETTER OF AUTHORISATION AND AGGREEMENT
LETTER I WILL SIGN WITH MY LETTER COMPANY FOR YOUR OWN SIGNING.

PLEASE I WILL BE VERY HAPPY IF YOU CAN CALL ME AS SOON AS YOU RECIEVE
THIS MAIL ON MY 24HRS MOBILE PHONE# 234-803-713-7292 FOR MORE QUESTIONS
I WILL LIKE YOU TO ANSWER ME DIRECT.YOUR MOBILE PHONE IS HIGHLY NEEDED
SO THAT I CAN BE CONTACTING YOU ANY TIME I WANT.

WAITING FOR YOUR CALL SOONEST.

CHRIS IBE.[/i]

[b]Chris, my dear...

I would very much like to call you. Unfortunately, I neglected to tell you of my affliction. I am mute. That is, I was born without vocal chords. I can make a kind of gurgling sound, but nothing that resembles speech.

I have dealt with it the best I can. My career as a mime is really starting to take off, and my Shadow Puppet Theatre shows are always a hit with the kids on the corner.

There have been problems, though. Phone sex is out of the question. Even asking someone out on a date isn't easy. More than once I've been jailed because someone mistook my flailing arms for the gestures of a madman.

Luckly, as you were so kind to notice, my good looks seem to be a fine social lubricant. You cold say that I come off as the strong, silent type!

I hope that this won't effect our dealings. I find that the Internet has been a great boon to communication. Is there any way you can send me the information via e-mail or fax?

On a different note altogether... do you wear boxers or briefs? Just curious.

- Jesus
[/b]

---
...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

This is getting scary.

[i]DEAR SIR,

I HAVE UNDERSTOOD ALL YOU HAVE JUST SAID.

MY DEAR THE ONLY PROBLEM WE ARE FACING NOW IS HOW TO GET THE
AUTHENTIICATION LETTER FROM THE MINISTRY THAT IS INCHARGE IN NIGERIA.

SIR THEY SAID THAT THEY WILL CHARGE ME USD5,000.00 DOLLARS TO DO THE
JOB AND RIGHT NOW I HAVE ONLY USD3,500.00 DOLLARS WITH ME,PLEASE I WILL
LIKE YOU TO HELP OUT WITH THE REMAINING BALANCE OF IT SO THAT WE CAN GET
IT BY MONDAY.

WAITING TO HEAR FROM YOU SOONEST.

CHRIS IBE.[/i]

[b]Hello again!

You know, hearing from you just brightens my day! I so look forward to it!

I understand your problem with the authentication letter. I was going to borrow the money from my rich Aunt Spankling, but she I just found that she died in a terrible nipple-clamp accident. It will take quite some time for the estate to be resolved, so it will be several months before I have any inheritence money to send you.

However, I might have a solution. I e-mail a friend of mine, and he has a friend who can get us a genuine authentication letter for only $100. Unfortunately, I'm a little tapped out right now, so I was wondering if you could wire me the money? Then I will fax the letter to you post haste!

I'll also need your address and phone number to get the letter. Please let me know!

- Jesus[/b]

---
...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

[i]
MR JESUS,

SORRY FOR THE MISCONSTRUCTION.HOWEVER,HAVING RIGHT THE WRONG NOW I
THINK YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO TELL ME POSITIVELY IF YOU WILL BE ABLE TO MAKE
THE TRIP TO SPAIN.I AM GOING AHEAD TO BOOK MY FLIGHT TICKET TO NIGERIA
AND I HAVE GONE AHEAD TO START PREPARATION FOR A FLIGHT OUT TO
SPAIN.PLEASE,MR JESUS,IT WILL BE EXPEDIENT FOR US TO SETTLE AND CRYSTALISE OUR
POSITIONS.

ONCE AGAIN I AM SORRY FOR THE WRONG IDENTIFICATION.PLEASE GET BACK TO
ME AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

REGARDS,

DR ALWYN du PREEZ
[/i]

[b]
Oh, of course! Spain is simply lovely this time of year, isn't it? And the Spanish men! I once had this Spanish gardener... he stood outside the window, gazing into my bedroom at me as he pretended to trim the bushes. I acted like I didn't know he was there, but I could see him smile as my hand crept down to my special place.

Then I looked up as if I was shocked to see him. He looked scared at first, until I smiled and beckoned him to come inside. His soft kisses caressed my body. He must have kissed me a thousand times. Finally, I couldn't take it any more. "Make love to me!" I screamed, "Make love to me like the animal you are!"

"Si." he said.

*sigh* I'm ready to go to Spain when you are!

- Jesus[/b]

---
...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

The old bait and switch might have worked - BUT MY DEAR YOU HAEV MADE FATAL ERRORR. YOU SAID YOU NOT ABLE SPEAK BUT NOW SAY YOU SCREAM FOR MANLOVE FROM SPAIN GARDENIA?

MY DEER YOU STILL PRETTY AND CHARMIN MAN BUTT I UNSURLY AS IF YOU REALITY ABLE TO CUM TO SPAIN.

PLEASE SIR CONTACT ME AS SON AS OPPOSABLE.

YOURS FOREVIL,
NIGERIAN SCAMMING MAN

---
"Eat a fucking cock." - attitudechicka

No, it's two different guys I'm writing. Only Chris Ibe thinks I'm mute. Dr. Du Preez doesn't :-)

---
...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

[i]
DEAR JESUS,

THANK YOU FOR YOUR MAIL.AS A MATTER OF FACT,I HAVE BOOKED FOR MY FLIGHT
TO NIGERIA AND SHALL BE ARRIVING NIGERIA TOMORROW.INVARIABLY,I SHOULD
BE ABLE TO CONTACT YOU ON THE PHONE NUMBER YOU GAVE ME,AND AFTERWARDS
GIVE YOU A PHONE NUMBER TO ALWAYS CONTACT ME IN TURN.

WELL,MR JESUS,HERE GOES OUR HOPE.I PRAY THAT ALMIGHTY GOD GUIDES THIS
TRANSACTION AND HELP US TO SAFELY SECURE OUR OBJECTIVE,AMEN.

RIGHT NOW,I INTEND TO SEE MY ATTORNEY AS REGARDS YOUR CERTIFICATE OF
INCORPORATION AND REGISTRATION.I SHOULD BE ABLE TO FAX YOU THE MEMORANDUM
OF UNDERSTANDING AND AGREEMENT BY TUESDAY,FOR YOU TO APPEND YOUR
SIGNATURE AND SEND BACK TO ME.

ONCE AGAIN,MR JESUS,I IMPLORE YOU TO RESPECT THE CONFIDENTIAL NATURE OF
THIS TRANSACTION.IT IS FOR BOTH OUR SAFETY,ESPECIALLY MINE.AS SOON AS I
CONTACT YOU,I SHALL GIVE YOU A CODE TO ALWAYS KNOW THAT I AM THE ONE
ANYTIME I CALL YOU.

FOR NOW,DO HAVE A PLEASANT DAY.

RAGARDS,

DR ALWYN du PREEZ.
[/i]
[b]
Alwyn,

I look forward to it. I have been anticipating hearing your voice for the past week. Just the thought of it gets me excited in a way that is very difficult to describe.

How is Nigeria this time of year? I hear the beaches are wonderful. When I was a child, I had an issue of National Geographic with an article about Nigeria. I think it was the first time I ever saw naked people in a magazine. Needless to say, it afforded me many years of pleasurable bathroom reading.

Will you be staying at the Sheraton or the Hilton in Abuja? I think you should stay at the Hilton. They have three indoor squash courts, which is a very good thing to have. I've never played squash before, but I'm a pretty good gardener and I and grow a mean pumpkin! If I ever go to Nigeria, maybe we could get together and play a game. I'll bring the squash!

Do you know if they use zuchinni or hubbard squash? Local customs are SO important!

Looking forward to your call!

- Jesus
[/b]

---
...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

[i]HELLO JESUS,

I GOT YOUR MAIL,ONLY THIS TIME I AM IN NIGERIA.WE LANDED IN LAGOS AT
EXACTLY 2:30 P.M (GMT).LAGOS IS QUITE SUNNY AND THE WHEATHER IS VERY
PEACEFUL.

BY THE WAY,I AM NOT LODGING AT THE SHERATON.I AM SURE YOU ARE AWARE
THAT I AM STILL KEEPING A LOW PROFILE UNTIL THIS ALL TRANSACTION IS WELL
TAKEN CARE.I SHALL CALL YOU BETWEEN 11:00 -12:00PM GMT TOMORROW.I SHALL
BE ABLE TO PROVIDE YOU WITH A PHONE NUMBER WHERE YOU CAN REACH ME TOO.

PLEASE MR JESUS,JUST HELP ME TO SEE THIS THING THROUGH NOW THAT WE`VE
STARTED THE PROCESS.OH BY THE WAY YOU CAN BE SUCH A PUT OFF AT TIMES.I
MEANT THAT AS A COMPLIMENT.

LOOKING FORWARD TO TALKING WITH YOU TOMORROW.

REGARDS,

DR ALWYN du PREEZ.
[/i]

[b]I can be such a put off at times? Alwyn, I am convulsed by your ludibrious perspicacy. I don't think I have ever encountered a being as exceedingly flatulent as you. And I mean that as a compliment. I am so looking forward to our conversation!

Alwyn, please understand me when I say that those rotor turbines will not generate gravitons by themselves. You may laugh nervously, pause, and ask me what I am talking about. I hope that, when we finally meet there will be (as my friend Tobor would say), excessive cornholing. It will be a joyous occasion!

- Jesus[/b]

---
...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

[quoteI hope that, when we finally meet there will be (as my friend Tobor would say), excessive cornholing. It will be a joyous occasion!

- Jesus[/b]
[/quote]

I just spewed diet coke all over my monitor...think Jesus can get him to pay for a box of Clorox wipes?
heheh ye gads too funny!

---
Women are fisher's of men because we all know.... The small ones you throw back. The medium ones you eat. The large ones you mount.

You realize you're an evil bastard for making my stomach hurt, right?

---
Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants.

Yes, I am evil. I admit it.

[i]
MR JESUS,

COMPLIMENTS OF THE DAY TO YOU AND I DO HOP YOU HAD A PLEASANT
WEEKEND.WELL,I THOUGHT I DID UNTIL THIS MOMENT WHEN I TRIED THE TELEPHONENUMBER
YOU GAVE RELENTLESSLY NO NO AVAIL.IT KEPT
TELLING METHAT"THE NUMBER YOU ARE DIALING CANNOT BE ANSWERED,PLEASE TRY
AGAIN LATER."I DID WAIT AND TRIED ABOUT FIVE TO SIX TIMES AND KEPT ON
GETTING THE SAME ANSWER.PLEASE CONFIRM THE NUMBER WITH THE SUPPOSED ONE
YOU GAVE ME AND TELL ME IF I AM WRONG.415-281-0767.HOWEVER,WE MUST
RECORD PROGRESS IN THIS MATTER,HENCE YOU CAN REACH ME ON THIS NUMBER
234-8033070660.IT IS A G.S.M. NUMBER STRICTLY FOR THE PURPOSE OF KEEPING YOU
AND I KEEPING CONTACT WITH EACHOTHER.

PLEASE REACH ME AT 6:00 P.M (G.M.T)THAT IS ABOUT FIVE HOURS FROM THE
TIME OF THIS MAIL.HERE IN NIGERIA IT IS EXACTLY 12:54 P.M.I AWAIT YOUR
CALL SOON.HAVE A LOVELY TIME UNTIL WE ARE ABLE TO ESTABLISH CONTACT.

REGARDS,

DR ALWYN du PREEZ.
[/i]

[b]I am sorry, we are having a problem with the phone company. Please call the headquarters number at 415-587-7242 and ask for Jesus. They will transfer the call to me internally.

I apologize for the incontinence!

- Jesus[/b]

It turns out that the NAMBLA phone number is no good. The new phone number is for an evangelical church.

---
...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

[quote][b]I am sorry, we are having a problem with the phone company. Please call the headquarters number at 415-587-7242 and ask for Jesus. They will transfer the call to me internally.

I apologize for the incontinence!

- Jesus[/b]

It turns out that the NAMBLA phone number is no good. The new phone number is for an evangelical church. [/quote]

If only we could have a tape recording of that phone call! This might be your most brilliant email so far!

---
"Eat a fucking cock." - attitudechicka

"Hello, is Jesus there"
"Yes, my son, Jesus is here, and there. He is everywhere."
"Really? He's a traveler then?"
"You.. could say that. You know, he fed thousands once"
"Wow, he must be a really good businessman"
"Actually, he was a carpenter"
"He never told me that"
"Oh, have you come to know our lord and savior?"
"Oh my, he brought you guys out of that deep of a slump?"
"Well, each of us has his own story, I was brought to the light by Jesus when I was 12"
"Wow, and I thought that kids over HERE got into business young!"
"You're never too young to accept the word of God, my son"
"GOD?!"
"Yes, Jesus, the son of God, and his holy earthly embodiment. God is in all of us"[/b]
"Oh Christ"
"That is a good beginning, my son"
"I don't think you understand, I'm looking for Jesus DeJesus, is he there?"
"No, but if you come here, we can have a 'special' service, my son..."
*click*

---
Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants.

Actually, that fits, DX. I neglected to mention that it was a gay evangelical church.

---
...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

[i]JESUS,

TO SAY THE LEAST I AM DISAPPOINTED AT THE SHOW YOU AND WHOEVER PUT UP
TODAY.I MEAN THERE I WAS TRYING TO CALL YOU AND EVERYTIME A LADY ANSWERS
AND AFTERWARDS HANGS UP ON ME.

DID YOU GIVE HER INSTRUCTIONS TO THAT EFFECT?THEN WHY IN GOD`S NAME DID
YOU MAKE ME TO START TO COMMIT MYSELF IN THE FIRST PLACE.I AM SO
ASHAMED AND DUMBFOUNDED.

DR ALWYN.
[/i]
[b]
Alwyn, I don't understand. Our regular receptionist
was out sick today and we had a temporary replacement
come in. What did she say to you? I will be sure to
have her disciplined with pointy objects!

You did ask to speak to Jesus, correct?

- Jesus
[/b]

---
...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

[i]MR JESUS,

I DID ASK TO SPEAK TO JESUS AND EVEN GAVE YOUR NUMBERS TO WHOEVER THE
LADY WAS,BUT BELIEVE ME I KEPT BEING CUT OFF INTENTIONALLY.I FELT
EMBARRASSED AND HUMILIATED.

PLEASE I ASK THAT YOU PLEASE CALL ME AT THE PHONE NUMBER I PROVIDED.I
REALLY WANTED I US TO THIS MATTER THOROUGHLY OVER.ALTERNATIVELY,I SHALL
FORWARD YOUR PERSONAL DETAILS TO THE SECURITY COMPANY IN SPAIN.BUT YOU
MUST TRY TO REACH ME.AS IT NOW I STAND IN DOUBT ABOUT YOUR COMMITMENT
TOWARDS THIS TRANSACTION.

HOPE TO HEAR FROM YOU SOON,

DR ALWYN du PREEZ.
[/i]

[b]I fear this may be a language problem.

Did you ask for "GEE-ZUHS" or "HAY-ZOOS?" I am of Hispanic descent, so my name is pronounced as it is in Spanish, not English. Perhaps the receptionist thought you were joking with her.

I will try to call you but it will be difficult, as the keys are very sticky from seminal fluids and astrolube.

- Jesus[/b]

---
...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

You're keeping these bastards down in a world of shit, and they just keep coming back for more. This is incredible.

---
What others say about boorite!

[i]OKAY THEN MY FRIEND I SHALL BE EXPECTING YOUR CALL NO MATTER WHAT YOUR FINGERS ARE STICKY WITH.

DR ALWYN.
[/i]

---
...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

How desparate is this guy to get his hands on your money???

---
This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

I am very, very tempted to find a pay phone and call this guy.

---
...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

I was going to suggest that you practice the funny voice before calling, but... you're mute!

---
This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.