... crotch crickets, but in other news ...

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"AthiestDiary, you rock." - MikeyG (I'm LOVED! HOORAH!)

...that guy over there is picking his nose in full view of the camera while...

...the guy over there was picking his neighbor's butt, a sight that frightened people worse than the fat rolls hanging over his neighbor's overly tight, size 50, red sparkly hot pants, which he shoplifted from the plus-size women's section of Goody's all the way back in August, which was right after they operated on his...

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I will rate you hard, and unendingly.

...adbdullah oblongata, which is a gland located in the lower farnclaviclooney, responsible for tendencies towards speaking in Arab tongues, and...

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

... fucking your mom, but ...

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"AthiestDiary, you rock." - MikeyG (I'm LOVED! HOORAH!)

...luckily, they make a cream for that now, which is also good on your favorite dessert or as a good way to add body to watery soup, which coincidentally, is also what we are having for tonight's...

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I will rate you hard, and unendingly.

... readings from the Necronomicon, written by the mad Arab, Abdul Alhazred, along with some selections from Carson McCullers' "The Heart Is A Lonely Hunter" as read by Living The Life's (CBN - 2:00 PM CST - 3:00 PM EST) Terry Meeuwsen and special musical accompaniment by all-time theremin virtuoso...

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Ham-fisted ham fisting.

... Roseanne Barr, but more importantly I feel that the nature of the gas that wafts from between her butt cheeks leaves something to be ...

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"AthiestDiary, you rock." - MikeyG (I'm LOVED! HOORAH!)

...analysed later in the gas chromatograph, which may very well prove beyond reasonable doubt that...

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Please replace the handset, and try again.

... there really IS life on Uranus, although I highly doubt that ...

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"AthiestDiary, you rock." - MikeyG (I'm LOVED! HOORAH!)

...because the people in Mianus, Conn. have been sucked in through a portal that leads directly to...

...the old abandoned stripcreator chat room where all that is left are the not-so-safe...

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It's not the crack, it's the 'caine.

...trolls who make stupid CCs and cannot take a hint and also suck loads of...

...ice cream, which actually tastes good as ass cream, but you would know that batter as...

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Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants.

... Tim Allen's comedy routine, specifically because ...

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"AthiestDiary, you rock." - MikeyG (I'm LOVED! HOORAH!)

...of that deep laugh that makes you feel oh so...

... bitchy when it rains blood down your leg after you get done having PMS, and that's really gross, because ...

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"AthiestDiary, you rock." - MikeyG (I'm LOVED! HOORAH!)

...it smells distinctly like rotting fish and cafeteria food, which coincedentally smells like period blood, which is a great deterrent for the peeping tom down the lane named Jim who also fears the smell of apricots and gin, which stems from a deep-rooted trauma from his childhood that was caused by licking the fish at Marty's fish market that was down the lane from...

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I will rate you hard, and unendingly.

... Abe Vigoda's House of Spankery, which specializes in all sorts of tulip smelling ...

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"AthiestDiary, you rock." - MikeyG (I'm LOVED! HOORAH!)

...rappe which is a funny word because it's spelled wrong and mispelled words are funny you know because they are and they're funny for the simple reason that...

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Blue is the color of victory.

...no one can tell if they are mis-spelled because of the inifinite amounts of...

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It's not the crack, it's the 'caine.

...noobs, but that's beside the point because the hero of our story just discovered his...

...armpit hair was really a colony of midget hamsters, which made him very sad because that meant that he didn't hit puberty yet, so he was forced to join the circus freak show as...

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I will rate you hard, and unendingly.

... THE INCREDIBLE MISTER JERK OFF, but they'd made a terrible, deadly mistake when they billed him that night, and when he went out all hell broke loose, because he originally was suppose to perform a heinous sex act involving string peas and ceiling fans, when instead ...

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"AthiestDiary, you rock." - MikeyG (I'm LOVED! HOORAH!)

...a pink flamingo stole the show when it it spred it's wings and all you saw was a huge....

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"Before you judge me take a look at you, cant you find something better to do"