I love taffy.

---
Poop.

In real life I am actually an aging fiftysomething housemaid. Not the young, lithe teenage girl gymnast I've always claimed to be.

---
It's grime time.

My beard is fuzzy but my head... not so much.

But I make for it in back hair.

---
...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

I don't like to talk about it much, but I have a really hairy ass crack. No back hair though. No chest hair either.

UPDATE: I am now in a lesbian relationship with a young, lithe teenage girl gymnast.

---
It's grime time.

i'd like to confess, that I tried to nueter my friend

---
What The?Ok Who the F#%K Playin my monkey balls

I just got back from the gym, where a small guy next to me was lifting much more weight than I was. I told him I was lifting light because I'm recovering from an injury, but really it's 'cause I'm weak. Now I have to keep up the pretense until I actually get strong, which could be years.

Apparently I'm a two-faced twat.

---
It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

I bruise easily.

---
"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

i once got busy in a burger king bathroom

---
what if nigger meant kite

wait, that was humpty

---
what if nigger meant kite

I tickle myself with my goatee.

I like the Whopper, (beep) the Big Mac.

---
I has a flavor!

I have no idea what a monkey wrench or a spanner is.

Now those scifi movies I've been watching make even less sense.

I sing because I live with Satan. The Lord turns me off.

---
I was gonna send a robot back in time, but I got high.

I'VE BEEN VIOLATED. but on the upside my prostate is nice and smooth.

---
obscenity filter is off

My prostate is in a jar with my tonsils, appendix, and liver.

vexpose them to cosmic rays and see what happens

---
what if nigger meant kite

I dress up in medieval torture devices and hang out at rennaissance festivals as a hobby. 

I can appreciate the beauty of a well crafted flogging device.

I know the perfect combination of everclear, sugar, and flavorings that can bring a 6'5, 200 lb man to his knees.

---
I'm bringing Paxil back. Yeah!

JaeltheReturn

Watch out, AngryAmerican. Wait, the guy he's describing is a runt compared to you...

---
You can take the heart out of the hooker but you can't take the hooker out of the heart. -- Frankenhooker

I'm pretty sure Mr. Angry is probably smart enough to figure out not to drink anything handed to him by a chick wearing one of these.....

I could be wrong, though. The last one wasn't that smart.

---
I'm bringing Paxil back. Yeah!

JaeltheReturn

Music to my rear.

---
"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

I can't stand Bob Marley.

ivytheplant

Neither can I.  Mostly because many of his fans are backwards baseball cap wearing frat boys who think that owning one reggae CD makes them all worldly and shit.

---
I has a flavor!