The rules for this contest will be simple: one of the characters wants to eat the other one. Not in a sexual way, but in the literal "chew up and digest and eventually poop out" sort of way (although I suppose it could be sexual if that's someone's fetish, but enough about Donald Trump's family reunion).

Give me something I can sink my teeth into!

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"He was cursed with a horrorshow of a face, like Guiseppe Archbold doing a study of mollusk tumors."