Normally, I'm opposed to New Year's resolutions, because they're cliche and hokey, and no one sticks to them. This year, however, the New Year happens to coincide with my recent attempts at self-improvement. Here's my list of goals:

[list]
[*]Work on managing anger and accepting disappointment
[*]Drink more water
[*]Take up a hobby completely unrelated to computers and/or the internet
[*]Cut down on swearing (at least with conventional swear words)
[*]Stop biting my nails
[/list]

So, what is everyone else working toward?

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I am a delicate fucking flower. https://beacons.ai/jesskent

I've decided that this year I would make a few resolutions and here they are in no particular order.

[list]
[*]Quit smoking
[*]Drink less water
[*]Build a dam
[*]Stop doing anything that could get me into any sort of legal problems
[*]Be nicer to the ones I love
[*]Write the first great american Techno Love story
[*]Write a play
[/list]

I've already quit smoking. I'm fucking Jonesing like a motherfucker here as I write this. I cut out the booze and I'm eating salads and drinking water, for fucks sake. And tea.

And I fucking hate everything.

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I wanted my half in the middle and I wound up on the edge.

* Quit smoking weed
* Finish my script
* Start a new script
* Have sex more often
* Learn to control my drunken violent outburts
* Go to Amsterdam and actually visit museums and parks this time

actually, the only one that I'll stick to is "Start a new script", I wont finish the other one, and probably wont finish the new one, what with all the smoking weed and drunken outburts.

Although I really would like to visit the REAL Amsterdam, I've been twice now, and we've always just spent the entire week in the Red Light District getting high.

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Dad was flammable

Jeez, I tried to quit the booze, but no way.

Smoking's no longer a problem, or caffeine, but I gots to have my whiskey or I start thinking.

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What others say about boorite!

"quit booze"?

I'm sorry, but I don't seem to be able to understand those words.

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Dad was flammable

[quote]"quit booze"?

I'm sorry, but I don't seem to be able to understand those words.[/quote]

Just until I can quit smoking for more than a week because as it is now; when I drink, I smoke. Period. And since I've gone through 3 quarts of whiskey since Christmas, I don't think the time off will hurt.

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I wanted my half in the middle and I wound up on the edge.

Around 11 months smoke-free, here. I've been having some really bad cravings, lately. That's one of the big motivators to go to therapy... when my anger and depression affect others, big deal... but when they start making me want to smoke again, I need to fix things.

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I am a delicate fucking flower. https://beacons.ai/jesskent

I'd like to stop biting my nails, but that's a bit unrealistic. So instead I'll try to cut back on paedophilia.

Puss. I thought you were a big drinker.

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What others say about boorite!

[list]
[*]Learn to eat anything, including cars and rocks and stuff.
[*]Counquer France.
[*]Climb the Sears Tower and base-jump it.

[quote][list]
[*]Learn to eat anything, including cars and rocks and stuff.
[*]Counquer France.
[*]Climb the Sears Tower and base-jump it.
[*]Quit being a dickface
[/quote]

hey i like that last one of yours!

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Who knows what fear lurks in the hearts of men? MIKE BOBSICO KNOWS! And if you give him a decent tip when he delivers your mail , he might tell you.

[quote][list][*]Learn to eat anything, including cars and rocks and stuff.
[*]Counquer France.
[*]Climb the Sears Tower and base-jump it.
[/quote]Good news. France just called. They surrender.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

1> Get a fucking j-o-b.

2> Remember every day that this is the first year in five that I will not be whiping shit off of someone elses ass. My youngest gave up diapers last year.

3> Create at least ONE funny comic.

Hopefully my new job will not involve whiping shit. That would suck.

*To do at least 40 comics a day [i already have done 20 in the last 4 hours]
*Not to get to excited when eating my happy cake

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Now shut up before i smear my happy cake in your face!

[list]
[*]Lose every pound of weight.
[*]Get a non-fucking j-o-b.
[*]Take France from JmrynnNate.
[*]See if they're selling a life on eBay.
[*]Conquer the entire Internet.
[*]Splice monkey genes into senior citizens.
[*]Take Afghanistan from Bazilla.
[*]Lay Britney Spears on national television.
[*]To do at least 40 chicks a day [i already have done 20 in the last 4 hours]
[/list]

Course, I'm not sure I'll get the job, but the rest should be easy.

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My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in. -Weird Al Yankovic

My wife decided to share me around 2:30 AM new years day. She had been feeding me champaign from her slipper since the stroke of midnight and had been drinking from the bottle herself. We were at a friend’s house - a single friend of hers from work. Her friend wanted to "feed me" and my wife was feeling generous.

I drank from her shoe and them my wife told me to clean her feet. I could barely locate them. Someone sat on my face after a while - I couldn't tell you who.

The next thing I remember is waking up on the floor of the friend’s bedroom with the girls in the bed. Thank god my wife's parents had the kids overnight and all day new years day.

I RESOLVE:

* To limit the number of champaign bottles that make it into any place my wife and I visit on 12/31/2002.
* To spend the days following next Christmas cleaning all of my wife's best shoes - the first chugs were a bit spicy.

uh....Scots?

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Dad was flammable

Well.... crapfist.

I started out with this name because of the way my father got me started with women (I was a young lad spanking a prostitute in a church as recorded in a couple of comics - a spankling). But you folks took it further and DexX's great image helped Spankling take on a life of his own. So I had fun playing along.

I wanted to get back to being myself, so I created Bogart. But I kept screwing up in small ways. That last post made me see I'm too much of a dumbfuck to keep it up.

So now I don't know what to do. Should I just post the Spankling password and let others use him like a Dr. Pedantic? Or I could just give it out to a few trusted regulars.

Suggestions?

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

I fear change.

Stick with the old. I have too much crap in my head to try and connect a new name with you and it'll just confuse me.

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.