My Sport Utility Vehicle is a Mountain Bike.

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"Nothing expresses the brutal grandeur of rectal polyps and anal fistulae quite like the mother-tongue of Goethe."

When I ask people who have absolutely no need for something as big as an SUV why they have an SUV, this is the #1 answer I get: "Because I'm worried about an accident." In fact, that's pretty much the only answer I get.

Not fair! This describes me and I loathe SUV's.

This is why I never let SUV's push their way through me in traffic. If you're tailgating me in your SUV, you'd better be prepared to hit me and let your behemoth machine result in your paying for my overpriced Acura replacment parts.

That's not entirely fair... I mean, there is the occasional SUV driver who actually NEEDS to drive something that big, to go offroad and to haul shit around. I mean, at least I assume those people exist.

Haha!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Thanks, israphael, I greatly enjoyed this article. It seemed very obviously written by someone with SUV-rage, and its logic got specious at times (and sometimes downright silly, as in the quote above), but I think it's a great read.

I've often hoped gas prices did spike up, just to punish those fools getting 10 mpg in their SUVs. 8)

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peddling the funny around since 09/24/2002

Assholes? Where? Are they puckered tight? If so, lemme at 'em!! SPROING!

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I smell cunt.

[quote]
The Dodge Durango, for instance, was built to resemble a savage jungle cat, with vertical bars across the grille to represent teeth and big jaw-like fenders. [/quote]
Obviously, the author has never seen a Dodge Durango.

Yeah, big, savage vertical bars there. Looks like the traditional Dodge crossbars to me.

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

Nope, not big enough.

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"Nothing expresses the brutal grandeur of rectal polyps and anal fistulae quite like the mother-tongue of Goethe."

Yeah, but if you're hauling heavy loads use a van. And if want to go off-road, you're better served going with a pickup truck with four wheel drive. In spite of the advertisements, SUV aren't made for off-road conditions. Just ask the drivers of tow trucks how much of their business is pulling SUV where they shouldn't have gone.

My boss can tell you from personal experience that you need the proper vehicle for hauling heavy loads on unpaved surfaces. You try transporting bags of gravel to your ranch, taking a curve too fast and wide in rainy weather, slide off the road and down an embankment, and wrapping the SUV around a tree.

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"Nothing expresses the brutal grandeur of rectal polyps and anal fistulae quite like the mother-tongue of Goethe."

Even though I hate the status-flaunting of SUV drivers, even I have to admit vans a pretty dorky looking.

And anyway, if you're going to be hauling bags of gravel offroad in wet weather, you'd be better off not taking ANY vehicle around turns too fast. But I agree that a lower center of gravity would certainly be less condusive to rollovers.

I have, in the past, rented and driven a Ford Expidition for hauling drums and equipment over long highway distances. No complaints, except for the atrocious mileage. I would be loathe to drive one, however, if I didn't have a bunch of stuff to schlep.

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peddling the funny around since 09/24/2002

Oh my god, quit posting these violent pictures! I have children watching the monitor, damnit!

But seriously, the Ford Expedition is probably the scariest SUV of all. My van's only 2/3 the size of that monster!

Oh yeah, just tonight the local news was talking about how people driving SUVs are actually helping terrorism, though I didn't see it. Anyone have a similar article on the net?

Yah, heard in NPR this morning. The ads are going to run during the Sunday news shows.

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

narf.

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