"Dear Stickboy. By now you should have recieved the Great Dane puppy I sent you..."
"I saw him in a store window six months ago, and he was so adorable, I just had to buy him and take him home..."
"Unfortunately, after many weeks of trying, I was never able to house-break him. That's why I'm giving him to you. Make sure you keep plenty of Febreze on hand, as you're gonna need it! Love, Mom."
