Without warning....your life is turned upside down with an amorous attack by Tom Cruise!
I love you....almost as much as I love myself. Penelope, Nicole....those other women meant NOTHING to me. You're young and vibrant. I'm older and freaky. There's synergy here!
But first you'll have to embrace my religion, renounce psychiatry, and sign this non disclosure and pre-marital combo agreement in blood. You also must call my penis "Butch".
So what do YOU do??
So what do I do??
I'd say kick him in the groin, but that may cause brain damage.