After being molested by not 1, not 2, but 10 ice cream men in a back alley, he still used the experience to make an anal raped flavored ice cream that feeds millions of children in Africa each day.
Not one to discriminate, he molests all of his step-daughters, not just the red headed one, using his penis and a sock to reenact Shakespeare to help them with their homework while he does it.
Being confused about relationships and sexuality has not stopped him from giving back to society as he secretly volunteers at a farm giving the animals there prostate exams with his fist.
When I'm not drinking Draino in an attempt to kill myself, I drink Tres Equis. Stay thirsty.
