Disclaimers... None of these are mine, and I may have already posted these a while back. But they still crack me up.
I love my master;
Thus I perfume myself with
This rotten squirrel.
I lie belly-up
In sunshine, happier than
You ever will be.
Today I sniffed
Many dog butts--I rejoice
By kissing your face.
I sound the alarm!
Paperboy--come to kill us
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!
I sound the alarm!
Mailman Fiend--come to kill us
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!
I sound the alarm!
Meter man--come to kill us
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!
I sound the alarm!
Garbage man--come to kill us
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!
I sound the alarm!
Neighbor's cat--come to kill us
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!
I lift my leg and
Wiz on each bush. Hello, Spot
Sniff of this and weep.
How do I love thee?
The ways are numberless as
My hairs on the rug.
My human is home!
I'm so ecstatic I have
Made a big puddle.
I hate my choke chain--
Look, world, they strangle me! Ack
Ack Ack Ack Ack Ack!
Sleeping here, my chin
On your foot--no greater bliss--
Maybe catching cats
Look in my eyes and
Deny it. No human could
Love you as much as I do.
The cat is not all
Bad--she fills the litter box
Little Tootsie Rolls
Dig under fence--why?
Because it's there. Because it's
There. Because it's there.
I am you best friend,
Now, always, and especially
When you are eating.
My owners' mood is
Romantic--I lie near their
Feet. I fart a big one.
---
100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.
