"Gentlemen, let's be logical about this. It came from an elf!" --MST3K

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"You'll burn for this. Burn in jail!"

40% Proof Absolut Vodka?

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I am a Strange One/'His world is small.'/ 'I love hunting foxes - Ginger Bastards!'/ 'They weren't aiming at us, Not at my house' - Dead Prez/ The Pravda-Raï Party: Triumphing over Diversity

I offer this unto you, oh great Aboosaw.

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

Archaeologists in Egypt today found the world's oldest flyswatter.

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I has a flavor!

It's an ashtray. My grandson made it.

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

"... and after the stone passed, they let me keep it!"

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Poop.

hAw!

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

"Wanna cookie? I maked dem mythelf."

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Life is a lot like getting mugged; you get your kicks, you take your punches, and when it's over, someone else gets your cash.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

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I wanted my half in the middle and I wound up on the edge.

Jessie never forgot the day he O.D.'d on Ex-Lax. Every Thanksgiving, he'd trot his petrified stool sample and hold it up for the guests. "The horror..", he would murmer over and over. "The horror."

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I wanted my half in the middle and I wound up on the edge.

Lilly learned the hard way never to ask her husband to "give her a hand" with anything.

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This is not my empire.