[quote]For no particular reason, I just rewrote the last part of "The Tell-Tale Heart" by Edgar Allan Poe, and turned it into "The Tell-Tale Fart."
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No doubt I now grew very pale; --but I talked more fluently, and with a heightened voice. Yet the smell increased --and what could I do? It was a low, dull, rancid scent --much such a scent as an obese television repairman might emit as he bends to his work. I gasped for breath --and yet the officers smelt it not. I talked more quickly --more vehemently; but the aroma steadily increased. I arose and argued about trifles, in a high key and with violent gesticulations, just as I imagined Richard Simmons might do in a similar situation; but the odor steadily increased. Why would they not be gone? I paced the floor to and fro with heavy strides, as if excited to fury by the casual flirtations and girlish giggling of the men --but the stench steadily increased. Oh God! what could I do? I foamed --I raved --I did my patented Pauly Shore imitation! I swung the chair upon which I had been sitting, and grated it upon the boards, and balanced it by a single leg upon my left buttock, but the smell arose over all and continually increased. It grew stronger --stronger -- stronger! And still the men chatted pleasantly, and smiled, and played with lewd hand puppets in the vicinity of their nether regions. Was it possible they sniffed not? Almighty God! --no, no! They sniffed! --they suspected! --they knew! --they were making a mockery of my flatulence!-this I thought, and this I think. But anything was better than this agony! Anything was more tolerable than this derision! Even an Adam Sandler film festival! Or graphic nude photos of Rosie O'Donnell! I could bear those hypocritical smiles no longer! I felt that I must break wind or die! and now --again! --hark! louder! louder! louder! louder!
"Villains!" I shrieked, "dissemble no more! I admit the deed! --tear off my shorts! here, here! --It is the aroma of my hideous fart!"
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If you would like to transform other classic literature into a fart joke, or any other crass, crude form of humor, please feel free to do so here. If not, then think of something else to do.
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This is what happens when bored intelligent people get time on their hands. Nice shot! XD
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I will rate you hard, and unendingly.
