MYSTERIOUS CREATURE, BEING DUBBED BY AUTHORITIES AS THE "JERSEY STUPID" HEADED FOR PRINCETON AREA - February 18, 2005

(Emigrant, MT) - Today, the world shook with terror at a remarkable bit of world shaking news. The mysterious 16-year old creature known only as the "Jersey Stupid" (currently residing in Emigrant, Montana) has announced it's plans to migrate east to Princeton, New Jersey.

"Yeah, I'm totally going to New Jersey." said the Jersey Stupid this morning to shocked reporters. "I hear they've got great hot dogs there. Hey you, can you stand...right there? No, here. Great. Stand there for a while. That mid afternoon sunlight can be a scorcher, thanks for blocking it for me."

When inquired why he was called the Jersey Stupid even though he did not live in New Jersey yet, the Jersey Stupid responded by sneezing several times and saying: "New Joisey! New Joisey! Think the people over there will get offended if I say that? New Joisey!"

As for the cause of the Jersey Stupid's migration, the little information we have is hazy at best. "Uh, well, school is tough." the creature said. "I have like, 1 1/2 credits earned throughout my high school career, and i'm almost done with ym sophmore year. I'm seriously retarded. I have a 13% in math right now, and I do all my homework." This reporter would like to express that even though the Jersey Stupid is writing this in lame newpaper format and is trying to be funny about this, he's not kidding about how bad his grades are. He's fucking retarded. "But yeah, so I'm gonna drop out at the end of this school year and go to New Joisey with my sister, who's graduating this year and heading off to college. That's right, she's going to PRINCETON. Ivy league man, ivy league! I mean, who the hell cares if I don't finish gay old high school?! MY SISTER IS IVY LEAGUE! IIIIVEEEEE!" Then I shot the Jersey Stupid with a tranquilizer gun.

Before he passed out cold, he requested I ask of everyone whether or not there's any sc users from...New Joisey. He specifically requested the misprnounciation. Thanks to you all.

-Tony Robinson, Reporter

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It's grime time.

...um... okay.

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Destroying my reputation one post at a time.

I think you should stay where you are. In Princeton, you'll be laughed at. In Emigrant, MT, 13% in math is considered "Genius" level.

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"We're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did." Groucho Marx

I think they should quit calling it "New" Jersey, because it really isn't all that new anymore.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

It looks like you're going with your sister to college after all.

Why is Baldrick reporting on made-up stories?

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Dad was flammable

I think the real question here is: Does "phat" really stand for "Pretty Hot And Tempting"?

Um...sorry. I've always wondered that. You know, that's what kids used to say it was. In school.

Is the subject sufficiently changed yet?

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8===D

I'll be the next state over in good old Penn's Woods.

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I think, therefore I make comments on a forum.

It means he's phat and stoopid

It was one of his cunning plans...

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"You grew up like brothers, and your teachers must have told you that North and South must not fight!

For that matter, we should alter "New" York. It should be "Newer Jersey", "Newer York" and so on.

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Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants.

Breaking news:

This thread sucks. :)

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dcomposed:11-06-05: If I was a viking invading your village, you'd be the first to get raped.
Crabby: 10/5/06: i would love to feed you fresh fruit while bathing you.

New Jersey should be New York, and New York should be Old York. Connecticut should be Rich York. And the guy from Logan's Run was Michael York.

Anyway, areallystupidguy, I'm in New York fairly often, which is, from what I can see on the map, pretty close to New Jersey. Where in Jersey are you gonna be? (what exit?)

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

im still stuck at Thiel College. :|

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xx( o Y o. )xx