While I was on vacation, I had a dream about work. This in itself is not unusual, but what I dreamed about was... odd.

I was at an awards ceremony of some sort. I found that for my hard work I was being given a bonus of... 0.25%. Yes, you read that right... one quarter of one percent.

Then I was given a certificate announcing my promotion.... to Director of Chaos. I inferred that this had something to do with IT Security, but just the same I regarded it with foreboding.

If it's a premonition, I'm hoping it involves a career change where I unplug servers randomly in the middle of the day and watch people scramble. Kind of disaster recovery position, without the recovery part. That would make the 0.25% bonus worth it.

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

I had a cool dream the other night where i was riding this galloping robot around on these island thingies. Keys, I believe those island thingies are called. But anyways, it was rad. I just galloped and galloped. There were like 3 other guys who were galloping with me, but I was the coolest robot galloper because I took all the risks and galloped out into deep water and onto other people's property. I was such a badass.

Usually though, I have dreams about raping and killing people. They make me cry in my sleep and dry heave when I wake up. It's good fun for all.

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It's grime time.

I had a dream I was fighting zombies and having sex with my cousin last night. When I woke up, the cousin part kinda disturbed me. But, hey, zombies!

....

*cough*

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Destroying my reputation one post at a time.

I had a dream the night before last that a friend of mine (thought it looked an awful lot like Cartman) gave me this paper tube of cocaine. I decided to see what all the fuss was about and tried some. Reminded me of the time I went to the dentist and he gave me just enough nitrous to levitate. Of course then I realized that I had to go to work and I was freaking out that someone would notice I was high and make me take a drug test. It was super cocaine too so it wouldn't leave my system for at least a week.

I also once dreamt that I was the most powerful being in the universe and I married Rodimus Prime (yes, Transformers) and everyone was fine until an entire solar system was incinerated and since I was so awesomely powerful, everyone decided it must be me even though I was visiting my mother at the time. I was put on trial and convicted but they couldn't figure out what to do with me so I couldn't escape and in the end I was banished from that universe and came to live in this boring-ass one. Of course I didn't do it. I was visiting my mother at the time. That takes all my energy anyways. I'd need superpowers just to withstand her insanity.

The worst part was, Rodimus completely turned his back on me and went with what everyone else thought because he was leader of the Autobots and didn't want to get ousted for supporting me, his own wife who everyone thought was a mass-murdering lunatic. Bastard.

Normally I dream about dinosaurs and zombies. And ever since I've been off my medication (i.e. it finally left my system), I've had really screwed up dreams. I missed having those.

Last night I had some weird dream about being in the emergency department and having to start an IV on a baby. I thought it was going to be wicked hard until I saw his little hand and realized he had great veins.

Then after I did that, someone handed me this newborn to take care of. But the blanket it was wrapped in had all these fucking sewing needles jammed into it. I was all "What the fuck is up with these needles?", but I assumed they were there for a reason. I just didn't want to be the one to get in trouble for getting this kid poked a bunch of times.

Weeeeeird.

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

I had a dream recently where all these Billy Graham-type people came to my house and beat me with staplers while screaming, "IT IS SO BECAUSE GOD MADE IT SO!!"

I have nightmares all the time. It's almopst at the stage where I dreqad going to sleep. That is all.

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Please replace the handset, and try again.

Wow, it seems like a lot of you guys actually have dreams that either have coherent storylines or actually slightly make sense. I didn't know those sort of dreams existed.

I had a dream a while back about these monsters who were trapped inside this circle. I guess it was some kind of cursed circle or spell or soemthing. But anyway they coldn't get out. They looked really ferocious. And all I did was stand there watching them and wondering: "Oh man, what's gonna happen if they get out? That would be horrible."

That was pretty much the whole dream, and it was long too.

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It's grime time.

Gabe... when did you get back here?

I remember a dream from when I was maybe five years old. My older siblings and I were going surfing at the town swimming pool (it was a dream after all). I fell off my surf board and was under water. I could see myself from above, lying flat under a foot of water in the shallow end, but somehow I couldn't get my mucles to move. I called out from under the water to my siblings, but they couldn't hear me or didn't care, and they drove off.

Then Tony the Tiger arrived, pulled me out of the water, and we drove off into the sunset in a yellow Jeep.

The odd thing about this dream was the cinematic quality. When we drove off into the sunset it was from a 3rd person perspective, like I was the camera watching Tony and I fade into the distance. Most of my dreams are from my perspective.

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

Most of my dreams are kind of in the third person perspective. Like in video games, how you're just behind the character so can see them, but it's still from their point of view. I rarely play video games though, so I'm not sure why most of them are this way.

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I think, therefore I make comments on a forum.

Whoa, all of my dreams are like that, too. I would prefer more subscreens in the future. O_O

The other day on #stripcreator, I told chicka this story about a dream I had last week:

choad: so chicka, in my dream, you showed up at my door with your best friend
choad: and you both needed a place to stay--you were out here for The Apprentice open call
choad: so i let you both sleep on the floor
choad: but in the middle of the night, she crept up into my bed and i had all sorts of sex with her
choad: and her screaming woke you up
choad: and you were yelling at us from my bedroom floor
Chicka: haha
Chicka: That sounds like my best friend
choad: is she blonde?
Chicka: Yep
Chicka: And a whore
choad: that was her then
choad: i woke up and i was humping my comforter

All my dreams are filmed in IMAX and use Dolby Digital Surround Sound.

But seriously, I've been told time and time again that I'm a "lucid dreamer". I feel, taste, smell, hear, and see everything like it were live. I also occasionally take "control" of the dream. Problem is, I'm powerless in my dreams when I break free of the illusion. I can't fly, can't run, can't do anything I could if I were awake. Last night I had a dream that someone broke into my house, tied up my parents and forced me to break a secret code for him. I finally used my modem to call the police (I don't know how I'd do that in real life though) and he caught me so I took off out my side door, grabbed one of my casio keyboards, and he popped out my front door and shot me full of holes with a submachine gun. Weird though, there were no muzzle flares, and I don't remember even really seeing a gun. Just another in a long string of weird Stanley Kubrick film style dreams.

Sometimes I think my dreams are channeling Kubrick.

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Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants.

I'm a lucid dreamer too. I can often control the elements of my dreams, when I know I'm dreaming. I can choose the course and do what I want. Like not having sex with my cousin.

I recently dreamt that North Korea launched a 'Red Dawn' esque invasion on the US and my school was taken over by them and my science block was made into a re-education center. Me and my friends became like the Wolverines and basically started an insurgency and hit them with sling-shots and bricks in a desperate bid to get back our school. And then they shot us. :-/

I also often have dreams where I'm in countries (often war-zones, but not exclusively) that I've never been before. I think it's indictive of watching too much CNN or something. I've dreamt I'm in Iraq (at least 3 times), Afghanistan, North Korea, Israel, Iran, Brazil, etc... Weird, yes. I also dreamed I was in Salt Lake City for some fucking reason, once. Not only have I never been there, but I would never want to go to that Mormon shithole.

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Destroying my reputation one post at a time.

A lot of times I'll have dreams that I'm not even in at all, and I'm just watching a movie or something. Those ones are pretty weird.

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It's grime time.

Last night I had the strangest dream. I sailed away to China, in a little row boat to find ya, and you said you had to get your laundry cleaned. Didn't want no one to hold you. What does that mean?

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Chicken Feather Bed Bugs Bunny Hop Sing Out Side Street Walker Texas Ranger Cookie Dough Boy Wonder Years

I once had a dream that I ran into David Byrne and Jerry Harrison in a bar and I told them what a big Talking Heads fan I was, but then David Byrne got jealous and kept interrupting because all Iwanted to do is talk about the Modern Lovers with Jerry Harrison.

When I was younger (I'm going to say around 6), my parents and I watched the movie Gremlins on TV before I went to bed. Anyway, I ended up having this dream that a bunch of Gremlins came to my house and kidnapped me and took me back to their lair. They tied me up and put me on this conveyor belt. And then all the Gremlins formed into this giant Gremlin head and the conveyor belt was the tongue. I guess I was screaming because my mom came and woke me up and tried to calm me down.

I once was dreaming that I was walking down the street with some friends, singing something, and when I woke up, where I had stopped singing was where the song was on my radio.

I've had deja-vu dreams before, as well as dreams of things I WISH would happen to me in the future.

As well, if ya'll want to talk dreams, somehow lure Drexle into this conversation. He's got the most amazing dreams ever.

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Okay, Lindsay, are you forgetting that I was a professional twice over - an analyst and a therapist. The world's first analrapist.

Odd. Fucking your cousin is kinda like fighting zombies!

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

Has anyone here ever had an encounter with the succubus or "night hag" as it's called? You "wake up" in the middle of the night, but even though your eyes are open you're technically still in REM. During the few seconds before your body adjusts and snap out of it, you're kinda stuck in a state between sleep and consciousness. During this time you usually feel as if someone is choking you or sitting on your chest, and you sometimes get a visual or hallucination of some old, crusty woman (or some other figure) with their hands around your neck. It's scary as shit. And yes, I know what I said sounds stupid and I'll probably get a rape joke from biped or Spankling, but it's a real phenomenon.

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Destroying my reputation one post at a time.

Oh, I forgot... You're also paralyzed during those brief moments. Your eyes are open, but you can't control the rest of your body.

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Destroying my reputation one post at a time.

That used to happen to me when I was young, Flate, but it was usually a product of me being unable to breathe because my head was underneath a heavy quilt.

That being said, the worst part about it was being in the dream and knowing that you needed to wake yourself up and it meant your life. Willing yourself awake from a dream is absolutely insane.

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

My sister and I suffer from sleep paralysis, the neurological disorder Mikey and Inflatable were describing. Mine started when I was about five; my sister began experiencing it only three years ago. It only has the power to terrify if you don't know what's happening. Once you start getting it with the regularity I do it becomes a bit bland.

My recurring nightmare is standing in procession waiting to get my High School diploma and being pulled aside at last minute to be told that if I don't get three months of backlogged homework done by the time I reach the podium I cant graduate and will have to retake my senior year. (It happened pretty much like that in real life, except I was awaiting the results of three months' worth of backlogged homework I had done over the weekend. I was told right before my class went up to the auditorium that I passed with a D-.)

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Ham-fisted ham fisting.