I am now going to use your time to update my resume, very very slowly. I'm sick of being screwed by your lame corporation.

---
Mediocrity at its most average.

Don't forget to use the time to make comics too!

---
I dumb :D

things i've found that also work:
[list]
[*]stealing from petty cash
[*]intentional incompetence
[*]arson
[/list]

---
what if nigger meant kite

When Im at work I like to get a bucket and write toilet on it and place it in the corner. This keeps me amused until the shop's off license opens, then I drink the boredom away.

---
Poo perhaps?

I can see this becoming a long running thread. I'll add something after my two interviews are over.

---
Please replace the handset, and try again.

I find it helps if you allow yourself to be caught angrily mumbling to yourself while thumbing through the latest issue of Guns & Ammo.

---
I was gonna send a robot back in time, but I got high.

I like writing clever grafitti on the bathroom stalls. Usually involving the genitalia size of various managers.

I've just managed to perform so badly in an interview, I wasn't even asked to mind my arse on the door on my way out.
But for reasons I won't go into here, I did it pretty deliberately.

Do you think deliberate underperforming in an interview is a valid tactic in filtering out future employers who could turn out to be IdiotFirms� ?

---
Please replace the handset, and try again.

Well, I don't know about deliberately pissing opportunities down your leg; but a job interview is definitely your opportunity to screen employers. I once had an interview with an engineer from a California start-up who sat there in his sandals and asked bonehead questions like what kind of team sports I liked to play. I instantly disliked the atmosphere and didn't perform very well, but got offered a job anyway. I turned it down in order to work for less insane people. Six months later, Bonehead Inc. was out of business. Turns out they were more interested in finding hitters for thier softball league / betting pool than in managing a business or finding qualified people.

---
I was gonna send a robot back in time, but I got high.

Well, I don't know about deliberately pissing opportunities down your leg
[/quote]

It was more a case of underpreparing for a role I was neither suited for, nor ethically inclined ever to accept. I answered technical questions poorly, and in short, non commital sentances where possible. It's not like I made fun of the CEO's underbite to his face.

---
Please replace the handset, and try again.

I've found that using my hand as a puppet and having it answer interview questions tends to turn off potential employers.

Little wigs and wax lips don't help.

---
Chicken Feather Bed Bugs Bunny Hop Sing Out Side Street Walker Texas Ranger Cookie Dough Boy Wonder Years

You have shown the kind of attitude that we look for in our company. As of today you are promoted to HR manager/director/CEO. Of course, we can't increase your pay until the next quarter, but we guarantee that it will be a substantial increase.

Meanwhile you will be taking over billing, accounts payable, payroll, IT and all lunchroom duties. As a salaried, and not hourly employee, you will be receiving a special Nextel phone so that you can be on call 24/7.

Welcome to the wonderful world of management!

---
Bringing you comics, once a year. Whether you want them or not.

I find having recruiters pick me up at my office to take me to lunch the most fulfilling action against my company.

---
dcomposed:11-06-05: If I was a viking invading your village, you'd be the first to get raped.
Crabby: 10/5/06: i would love to feed you fresh fruit while bathing you.

I've been applying around for various positions everywhere. My mom (who is a hairdresser) happened to talk to an animal control officer who says they have positions open. ^_^ I'm good with animals. Its how I've managed to work for my employer for a year without going insane.

---
I will rate you hard, and unendingly.

Monday I'll find out if I have the job at the porn store. Keep your fingers crossed, it will be several steps up for me.

i bet Spankling's keeping his fingers crossed because of the employee discount you'll get

---
what if nigger meant kite

[quote]
You have shown the kind of attitude that we look for in our company. As of today you are promoted to HR manager/director/CEO. Of course, we can't increase your pay until the next quarter, but we guarantee that it will be a substantial increase.

Meanwhile you will be taking over billing, accounts payable, payroll, IT and all lunchroom duties. As a salaried, and not hourly employee, you will be receiving a special Nextel phone so that you can be on call 24/7.

Welcome to the wonderful world of management!
[/quote]

I have been in management and you are completely right, however I came to this company to get away from being in management and soon I will likely transfer to another company to once again be in management. Fabulous!

You must keep a diary about your encounters with the creepy and disgusting. Also, your quickly declining sexual drive.

---
Mediocrity at its most average.

My sex drive isn't what it used to be anyway. What with the lack of sex and all. But I can't wait to see what kind of comics I can make. Sure I should probably not make one if the mayor comes in, but I don't even know what he looks like. Or who he is. Or if he is a she.

See? It all works out. I won't treat customers any different from each other because I won't know who they are. Unless they throw a fit like that lady did at WalMart last week. Somehow I still don't care, so it all works out.

I am so frazzled. I can't stand the waiting. I might be forced to clean my apartment just to keep my nervous energy in check. I might explode otherwise.

GAH!

So much for that. The owner decided to "keep current management" even though the whole reason she was hiring a new manager is to take up slack for the other manager who was going back to school and could only work on weekends.

I am annoyed. It could have doubled my income, even with school. I was preparing to get a house too. Now I'm cranky and have to shoot off even more resumes.

Now I wish I hadn't bought those flavored condoms there.

i wish i hadn't eaten them.

i'm sorry, ivy. there'll be more porn stores out there for you. if this porn store didn't want you, it just means it wasn't the porn store you were meant to be with

---
what if nigger meant kite

I'd like to rant about still being cold-called by agencies, despite supposedly being on holiday.

This job search is getting ridiculously stressful, if I was a dog I'd have crapped over the entrie guest bedroom by now.

Also I like the sound of this porn store job hunt diary.

---
Please replace the handset, and try again.

I like to describe in my CV that i had 10 jobs in the last 2 years, all of them in companies that lost sexual harassement lawsuits in said period of time.

Any company not bothering with sexual harassement lawsuits is a company i would proudly work for.

---
There was once a man who said:"nothing is true!". Although later it was found out that he was lying.

[Click to view comic: 'DoubleNegative']

---
obscenity filter is off

[quote]So much for that. The owner decided to "keep current management" even though the whole reason she was hiring a new manager is to take up slack for the other manager who was going back to school and could only work on weekends.

I am annoyed. It could have doubled my income, even with school. I was preparing to get a house too. Now I'm cranky and have to shoot off even more resumes.

Now I wish I hadn't bought those flavored condoms there. [/quote]

Working at a porn store and working at WalMart are pretty much the same thing. In the end, you all get screwed one way or another.

---
dcomposed:11-06-05: If I was a viking invading your village, you'd be the first to get raped.
Crabby: 10/5/06: i would love to feed you fresh fruit while bathing you.