20 gadgets on the counter, not one of them can open an african gay parrot without making a mess.

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

"I was strolling in to get some kibble when the damn bird just exploded! It was delici... I mean, awful!"

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

"what bitch? I am a fucking cat. I don't give a shit if your mad."

Police arrived to find a gruesome scene of carnage as a poorly re-enactment of the Jungle Book goes awry.

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At least im still funny .....looking. http://www.carrionfields.com

I didn't know cats could molt.

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peddling the funny around since 09/24/2002

"Uh... it was the dog...?"

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This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

When it comes to Thanksgiving each year, Molly can never seem to keep the place clean when plucking the turkey.

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A dog isn't just for Christmas or a birthday. In fact, a dog can be eaten all year 'round.

What? You want a piece, bitch?

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the kid's getting old, the kid's getting old

That jive turkey had it comin' to him, straight up.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

Suicide pidgeons still had along way to come

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The following statement its true. The previous statement is false

"Look, okay, I admit I was chasing it, but it wasn't my fault the fucking thing flew into the ceiling fan..."

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This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

Told that motherfucker not to eat my Alka-Seltzer.

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Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants.