I went to the Denver Gem and Mineral show and Colorado Fossil Expo today to get my rocks off. And before you complain that my title is false advertising, I deliver what I promise. Behold!
Many cocks:

Look at them, all hard and waiting for mandingo to come pick them out.

This one is sad. Mandingo didn't pick it.

Look at him, all droopy and morose.

I could only afford a little pair of cocks:

They've got big balls.

And heavier than mandingo's rap sheet.

Also, there was this peculiar horse outside:

Mandingo bit down too hard:

This can be yours for a cool $3.5 million:

I almost bought this, but it would probably come to life and devour me in my sleep:

Last year they had queen bed-sized geode halves. This year we had to make do with lounge chairs. Watch your ass.

The picture doesn't show, but you can easily cram a couple small children in here and brick up the front. Instant babysitter.

My companion next to giant crystals. Naked pillow fight pictures are $10 each.

This costs more than mandingo's entire net worth. Like, twenty dollars or something.

This was some whiny bitch's wedding present. Mandingo stole it for the day he proposes to biped.

That's all. Go home.