---
ken.kaufman@gmail.com

I don't know, but I hope it's had lunch!

---
"Chance!? You had your chance, and you gobbled its balls!"

I don't know, but it took all my willpower not to puke when I saw it. Fuck, the nose. Look at the nose.

"Oh my god! I'm becoming black again!!!"

No, I did not get the license number of the truck that ran over my face.
But I can tell you it was towing a roto-tiller.

---
"You'll burn for this. Burn in jail!"

Michael is entering the final stages of becoming a live butt-hump-me Ken doll.

---
"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

Uh-oh...better get Maaco.

---
-- If you call me insane again, I will eat your other eye. /usr/bin/w00t

"I've come here to tell you .... I'm growing a beard."

"I've come here to tell you....it's taken a long time to draw this beard in..."

---
I really am a fan.

"Yes your Honor. It's right here on my eyelid. This 'Made by Mattel' tattoo is proof that I had nothing to do with my physical appearance, and that's why I'm suing for five-hundred bajillion dollars."

"I wasn't trying to toss my baby off the balcony... He was trying to escape!"

---
Ham-fisted ham fisting.

Toss that baby? No! I wouldn't do that to my new boyfriend!

---
"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

"That's it, your honor. That's the wild beast that stole my baby!"

---
ken.kaufman@gmail.com