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Ham-fisted ham fisting.

"I can lick any sumbitch in this place..."

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I has a flavor!

Coming this fall on ABC: "The Bionic Bird".

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

"Psst, just between you and me... that guy over there, he's wearing a thong right now."

"Damn it! I keep telling you, I'm NOT Dick Cheney!"

"Okayyyyy, you! The one turning blue..."

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Please remember to spay and neuter your elected representatives.

"Mr. Schwarzenager, how do you feel about criticisms that you've gotten too old for your part in the next Terminator sequel?"

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"You'll burn for this. Burn in jail!"

"How bout I jam my fist so far up your...are these cameras on?"

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Welcome to Bohemia. Population: a lot Cash flow: a little

"And then when I had this fist up her clam I... wait I have ta put down these books to show you the rest..."

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

This was the signal he gave to his wife to tell her that when he got home, he'd give her such a fisting.

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My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in. -Weird Al Yankovic

"I wish I hadn't sat on that microphone, it'll take Cheney forever to get it out!"

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leggo my dcomposed! ®

As usual, Congressman Murphy closed the press conference by making the international sign for "wankers" at the press.

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I wanted my half in the middle and I wound up on the edge.

Looks like he has a wedgie...or just has to crap...w/e :(

"The way I see it, we need to rule with an Iron Fist. Be firm...and get rid of the Jews...and the Hippies...and what? Cameras? Shit..."

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L to E to the A to the H

"I have gathered this press conference to finally reveal what I am holding in my hand.."

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Vote Jeb Bush 2008

For some reason, Representative Mckinley always ends a press conference by pretending he has a riding crop under one arm, marching out of the room without bending his knees, before turning around and hailing hitler while flashing the press.

Never being very good at playing "Which hand is it in?", the Senator decided to use something a bit smaller than his World Book Encyclopedias next time.

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

"A tiskit a taskit/I go tit for tat with/anybody who's talking this shit that shit/Chris Kirkpatrick, you can get your ass kicked/Worse than them little Limp Bizkit bastards/And Moby, you can get stomped by Obie/You 36 year old bald headed fag blow me/You don't know me, you're too old/Let go, it's over, nobody listens to techno"

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"America loves its kings, from George III to Larry." --HJS

God'll smite you young heathens! Just you wait!

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Yes, I'm William Blake. Do you know my poetry?